Friday, June 22, 2007

Technorati Sucks, Week 13

I'm aware that by complaining that Technorati sucks every week until they either stop sucking or I die, I may be giving the impression that they suck in some monumental noteworthy way, like death or taxes do. I don't want to exaggerate their suckiness so much. So to correct any misperceptions that might be out there, and put Technorati's sucking in perspective, I will list some things that suck very nearly approximately as much as Technorati does.

1. Having a state-of-the-art giant flat-screen HDTV up against one wall of your massive penthouse suite, and the batteries to the remote die. Then you break the remote, trying to follow the directions to change the batteries. Then you find out that they don't sell that kind of remote anymore, and your system doesn't work with a universal.

2. You just started eating a fantastic dinner that your Hindi friends engineered to be an 11 on the Indian-restaurant 1-5 hotness scale. You discover why they are giggling every time they say, "Have you tasted the pickles yet?" You and all your smart-ass giggling friends find out at the same time that all the beer is frozen.

3. Let's say your wife kicked you out of bed. Rather than sleep on the couch and hear her bitch at you every time she passes, you take off for the office. Your office is one of two dozen small offices off a long corridor. At 3 am you wake up needing to use the bathroom. It's way down the other end of the hall. You decide you're too sleepy to get dressed so you go wearing nothing but your shoes. When you return you find that you forgot to unset the lock when you closed your office door. You have to either break into your own office, or decide which of your coworkers you would most prefer to have catch you naked in their office when they show up around 8.

4. You stick your finger in a light socket, thinking, "Gee, I wonder what would happen if I stuck my finger in this light socket?" Your arm is numb for an hour, and all the lights go out in your half of Guadalajara (including the part pictured), but nobody finds out it was you, so you don't get in trouble. On the other hand, nobody finds out it was you, so your friends don't think you're any cooler, either.

That's sort of how Technorati sucks. It's not anything special. It's not legendary sucking. They not only suck, they suck at sucking.

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