Family Debacle

We arrived in Seattle in time for a big Christmas family gathering. The Browning family and various others related-by-marriage were collecting at my Uncle Fred and Aunt Lovilla's house. My grandmother lived in a house by herself near the crest of Beacon hill in South Seattle. Fred and Lovilla lived with two sons halfway down the hill, where they had several acres to grow vegetables and Fred's beloved irises.

It was not a White Christmas by a mile. The weather was so good that the family got together in the yard rather than in the house.

My Mother started in as soon as we got there bragging about what a linguistic genius I was. A few of my relatives might have believed her without any proof but Aunt Lovilla would not, and if there was anyone there my Mother wanted to show up, it was Aunt Lovilla.

My parents had got a Christmas present for themselves before leaving Hawaii. It was an album of popular Hawaiian music, including the Hawaiian Wedding Song, Aloha, and the Hawaiian War Chant, which was big in the States at the time. It was precisely the sorts of popular Hawaiian music that Lani detested.

I hadn't heard the album yet. My Mother brought it out and announced to everyone present that she was playing the Hawaiian War Chant, and that I could sing along and translate. This she said, would prove once and for all that I spoke Hawaiian fluently, and that she wasn't making it all up. There were 25 or 30 relatives watching, including my Father and his sister, Lovilla.

I couldn't find the version of the Hawaiian War Chant that my parents had. That was probably the Bing Crosby version. But there's this lovely Muppet Show version that gives the idea quite well.



Now, those are actual Hawaiian words there. It comes from an actual hawaiian song written in 1860. But there are several problems with asking me to translate it on the fly.

1) It's not sung by Hawaiians. It's sung by non-native speakers, who don't pronounce the Hawaiian words properly. 2) It's sung. How many times have you heard a song in English and not been able to make out the words? "Excuse me while I kiss this guy?" 3) It's a love song. I was 3 and a half. I had to have love songs explained to me even when I understood the words. 4) It was in the standard Kamehameha dialect, not the dialect I was learning. And of course, 5) I was still only just learning.

According to the Wikipedia article, here are the original lyrics by Prince Leleiohaku, who called it Kaua i ka Huahua'i, "We Two in the Spray."

* Tahuwai la a tahuwai wai la
* Ehu hene la a pili koo lua la
* Pututui lu a ite toe la
* Hanu lipo ita paalai

* Au we ta huala
* Au we ta huala

* Tahuwai la a tahuwai wai la
* Ehu hene la a pili koo lua la
* Pututui lu a ite toe la
* Hanu lipo ita paalai

* Au we ta huala
* Au we ta huala

Even now I can't figure this out. As best as I can tell these lyrics were written to be read by non-Hawaiians. The word breaks are in the wrong places.

In any case the opening line threw me for a loop when I was 3 and a half, and I never recovered. How would I have known what a Tahuwai is? It's an archaic word referencing a custodian in charge of water rights! The whole song begins with an obscure reference to colonial-period property management!

I simply was lost. It was gibberish to me then, and when everyone saw how lost I was, Lovilla said, "I could translate it that well," and everyone burst into laughter, except my Mother, who turned bright red.

Later she threatened me with bodily harm if I ever embarrassed her like that again. The threat rolled off me, because I figured I was in danger of bodily harm from her always, anyway. She had many times complained to my Father that he should have finished me off when he had the chance.

The threat that didn't roll off was the one I got from Lovilla a little later on. I got a chance to be alone with her for a few minutes, and used the opportunity to tell her that my parents had tried to kill me.

She said, "What are you saying to me? You're saying your Mother tried to kill you?"

"Not just her, both of them."

"DON'T YOU EVER SAY ANYTHING LIKE THAT TO ME AGAIN, OR I WILL WASH YOUR MOUTH OUT WITH SOAP. I WILL DO IT IF I HEAR EVEN ONE WORD OF THE KIND!"

I got the message, and never asked her for help for anything, from then on. I wouldn't ask her for help breathing air in a room, if there was extra.