Cultural Dissonance

Easter is my favorite Christian holiday because it makes no sense whatsoever to me, and I do enjoy senselessness, no matter how much I say to the contrary.

The whole death and resurrection story makes no sense whatsoever. If Jesus is God, it's no surprise that He can resurrect Himself. So where's the drama?

Then there's the Easter Bunny business. Who thought up that abomination of nature? A rabbit that lays colored hard boiled eggs with stupid little decals glued to them? Couldn't they at least be soft-boiled? I hate dried out yolks. You know, a little salmonellosis isn't going to kill most of us.

I think I finally figured out why they hide the eggs. The whole business of gorging on eggs at Easter-time isn't a pagan idea at all. It stems from the fact that the Medieval Church prohibited the eating of eggs during Lent. So when Lent was over there was a surplus. Hiding the eggs ritually displaced the blame for the unavailability of eggs from the real culprit, the Church, and dumped it all on the bunny. They were trying to make us hate the bunny and love the Church. But it didn't work. Nobody can hate the bunny. He's a cute bunny, yes he is! YES HE IS A CUTE BUNNY!

But why are the eggs colored? I read that the red ones represent the blood of Jesus and the green ones represent the renewal of plant-life at spring. What do the purple ones represent? Tinky Winky?

In order to convey to my Christian friends exactly how senseless Easter appears to me, I offer this video I found on YouTube which I also don't get, and which I hope will instill within others the same kind of cultural dissonance that I derive from Easter. It's a Bollywood film with Cajun French subtitles added "for educational purposes." I want to know what school uses this material in its courses, and how their graduates are getting on in life.