Boast: My Rice Wine Works

[Note: when I use the word hooch, I don't mean distilled hooch.]

My rice wine works!

My first batch wouldn't even ferment. I threw it out when it grew mold. My second tasted the best, but it was an alcoholic dud. I now know what I did wrong. I let my yeasties breathe.

I now suffocates my yeasties always. I puts a lid on 'em and I puts a pillow on top of the lid.

I made batch #3 four days ago. It was beautiful. A full 45 ounces of creamy white rice wine brewed from what started as 4 cups of raw glutinous rice. But I was fearful. How would it taste? Would I dare drink it? I tasted a drop. I dared not drink more.

Batch #4 was done this morning. It was made with raisins as well as rice. I thought, surely, it would taste better.

My assessment: The rice wine with raisins tastes like NyQuil would have tasted at the factory before the flavoring was added to make it palatable. I returned to the raisin free batch and tasted it again, to see how it compared. It was not so good.

But then I realized I had a box of sugar. What the hell, it works for NyQuil. So I added two teaspoons of sugar to a glass of batch #3. I could drink it! I had another sweetened glass. And another.

And it worked! I made real hooch! The Wes Buzz-o-Meter says this stuff is 8% or higher!

I gave some of the sweetened hooch to Anitra. I said, "Don't you think it tastes better?"

Anitra said, "Better than what? Having steel wool scraped across my tongue?"

Success! It works and Anitra won't touch it!