Shorts

I once belonged to a writer's network that cultivated the art of writing extremely short pieces. Members submitted 200-words-or-less pieces to be voted and commented upon. Cleaning my room tonight I found some printouts of mine. I thought I'd share.

"My Dinner Doggy"

From whence my dinner doggy?
Oh tell me, if I please!
The one who drinks 'til groggy
Then pees upon his knees.
The doggy I call "froggy"
Because I'm such a tease.
From whence my dinner doggy?
Oh tell me, or I'll sneeze.

His butt was 'pon a loggy.
'Twas just about to freeze.
His fur was much too soggy
His tail flapped in the breeze.
And crawling 'bout his noggy
Were sixty-seven fleas.
They'll add fine spice to "froggy"
When I scoff him down with cheese.

From thence my dinner doggy.
Now where'd I put my keys?

"Pizza Dream"

There is the dream of someone else. At first, I may be the star in it. That's how it gets my attention. The hook. There's coffee and pizza, too. But it's just to suck me in. I'm there for minutes, I get some pizza, then I turn into a dog or a cat and then the real dreamer walks in and takes over. Last night I turned into three blackbirds. I woke up with a splitting headache.

Why does this guy want me to be present in his dreams? I'm just present there, I don't get to do anything, I'm just an audience in the form of whatever fauna he's obsessing on at the moment. I don't know this guy. I don't want to know him. I should be in dreams of my own. I have my own wishes that need fulfilling. That should be MY cigar, MY railroad tunnel, MY leap off a tall building to certain death. That should be ME drowning, flying, being chased by an ax murderer.

Measuring Randy Newman

Video Find of the Day

This song came out at the end of my time physically at Cornell, and half the people I knew there thought it was horrid. "Randy Newman is a heightist! We should boycott the cafeteria jukebox!" Then someone said Newman was 5' 2'' and it was, "oh, never mind." Now I'm reading on the internet that reports of his shortness were false, either deliberately spread to give Newman a "pass", or based solely on the fact that he is rarely seen standing up on TV. The people putting this out say he's over six feet tall but they seem to be just quoting each other.

Just a suggestion for killing time online: try to find Randy Newman's exact height.

I don't know how tall he is, but I know his capacity for satire.

By the way, the description says OGWT 1978. OGWT isn't netspeak. It stands for Old Grey Whistle Test, the name of the BBC2 show he was on.

Randy Newman - Short People